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WE HAVE been married for four years and we have a beautiful baby boy. I have made the most awful mistake and I honestly don’t know how to make things right again.
I had sex with a man I work with, afterwards I confessed to my husband. We just cannot get back to where we were before this happened
Please believe me when I say that I love my husband with all my heart. I attended a company function a few months ago, got drunk and had sex with a man I work with. I think my drink was spiked, but I have no proof.
When I realised the next day what I had done, I was devastated. I thought long and hard and decided that the only way I would be able to live with this is if I told my husband.
He was angry, hurt and so disappointed. He left me for a month and when he came back, he said he wanted to try and make the marriage work because he still loved me and wanted the best for our child.
We never spoke about what had happened, which has proved to be unbelievably difficult. We just cannot get back to where we were before this happened. He is suspicious of me all the time. He wants to know where I am, what time I will be home and who I am with.
I have assured him that nothing like that would ever happen again. Though I understand how he must feel, it is really starting to wear me down.
Sometimes when he looks at me I feel as if he hates me. He also will not touch me. What can I do to reassure him that I love him and our child more than anything in the world? Will we ever get over this? – Sad Wife, Randburg
ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:
When you say you know how he must feel – believe me you don’t.
Until something like this actually happens to you, you will never know how he feels, so don’t expect him to get over this any time soon. Don’t assume how he feels, but try and ask him to tell you how he feels and what he is going through. This will help with the healing process.
You are fortunate that he has come back and wants to save the marriage. I know I sound harsh, but these are the facts.
While I understand that you might also be a victim because you believe your drink might have been spiked, it doesn’t make it any easier for him to come to terms with what happened.
It is not as easy as telling him to trust you when you have broken his heart. The words mean nothing unless they are followed up with actions. If this means that you have to report your every move to him and give up on some of your privacy, then do it.
Sowetan live
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i love your courrage and ability to say the thruth. i can not blame you for did have already done but you need to move yourself to your husband at this point in time and never make mistake to talk about it do all yuo can to be honesty to him and dont discuss it with outsider only if your husband. as much your husband make it secreat let it be.
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Women, you must have learn your lessons. Somethings are better not said at all cos this is Africa/Nigeria where people’s understanding has limit. But what the women did is purely wrong but what she is facing now as a result of being a good woman is worst. Pls learn to keep somethings in your heart and ask Almighty God for forgiveness cos He (God) understands better than ordinary man. Its a pity!
Thanks
the mistake istelling him,men never forget or forgive…it will be better to allow it worth in your stomach forever and repent on your own… it easier for a woman to forgive but a man…never as if they never make mistake…sorry
Crazy ass girl, i am sure you sleep with every man that comes your way and never tell your husband ( if you have any)
She’s is not a bad woman! It was a mistake, she wont hav take the drnk if she knew there was something inside and it takes alot of courage and honesty to tell the truth… But i suggest that she should leave the company to make her marriage work, if she love her husband as she claimed
If he suspects you, u gave room for it. try to do some damage control. u need to be all over him like u did wen u first met hiim. do the calling at work hours, dont waiit for him to do the calls, let ur TLC increases by 100% and continously assure him that it wiill nevber happen again. do not delude urself with thge impression that he has forgoten iit. iits very painful sharing the small ….with another man.
As matter of fact what you did was something that will never escape from his mind; seek for allah forgiveness
U r ryt 4 tellin ur husband about d cheat, but u hv 2 noe dt 4givness iz easy but 2 4get it wil tek a tym. But try not lie on him any time he ask about ur condition tell him d truth, dt wil help 2 calm him dwn wen he discover ur truthfulness.
woman forget it u ve lost it all, what a shame
some things are better left unsaid.you thought you wanted to tell your husband to make things right but rather have spoilt a beautiful thing.remember hence forth, because the bible called some sin open and closed your experience was not a concious thing hence, a closed thing. you would have made your peace with your God only and never make that mistake again.
I pray u come back 2 normal as b4.but nw u knw y GOD forbid takein it. u must hate alcohol more dan any tin in lyf
@prince, u should no also in u bible to be druke is a big sin, are christians both pastor not drinkin alchohol? Alchhohol is even dere friends, wen dey slip dey take is, wen dey wakeup dey use is to brush dier mouth.
oh….. Islam 4giv alcohol? Bt most muslims makes alcohol dia best frnd! Pls i’m nt tryin 2 argue bt i wnt 2 say dat wen commentin dnt bring religion in bc u dnt even knw weda she is a muslim bc even muslim women drinks badly. Pls d whole thing is dat alwz try 2 make him do more trust on U by U urself tellin him whre eva U re not waitin 4 him 2 cal n ask U. Besides try 2 find out wat his tots re dnt alwz assumed.
she is a bad women y cant she til her husband that some body is targeting her for sex .
If i were u i wil b doin wat i hv neva did 2 him b4 i wil lv him mor nd if possible i wil liv d company 4 mor assurance.
Wat a shame! If i happen to be d husband, i would’ve divorce her.
The term forgiveness is a lot easier to do more than to forget,and even to forgive takes a lot of courage especially when it comes to matters of the heart,you are now down to being a slave to every demand made by your husband until he deems it fit to forget it and move on,so if you love him enough slug it out and never complain for as long as it last,if you feel you cannot contain the repercussions then get out of the marriage and learn from your mistake.But to want to find yoursself at the place you once were will take a lot of sorrow,tears and maybe even blood,the only thing good is that it can be done.
You made a great mistake by taking alchohol that is why islam forbide any intoxicated thing like alchohol so try to convese him.