1.The thirst
The Thirst can be described as women who are overly eager to find a man. You can find these women at every open bar, every week in search of Mr. Right. We know you’re thirsty because the event is an after work event yet you found time to travel home to put on your freakum dress and 5 inch heels. Thirsty women are at the bar, visibly parched looking at the other women scoping out their competition with the “hawk eye”, giving the appearance of the mean chick. But she’s not mean at all, because #thethirst will turn her into chatty Cathy/ desperate Debbie and the desperation is unattractive.

2.Bad Hair
I’m not Chris Rock and I’m not here to preach about women with that “good hair”, you know… the ones with Indian in their family. Nope not this post. But can we talk about that funky smelling weave with the tracks showing because that’s not a good look. Or my natural sisters — who think dry and flaky is the new it do. We ain’t feeling you neither as Star from Star & Bucwild would say. Just do your hair, I’m not asking you to apply all types of chemicals, or pay Beyoncé money for a lace front. I just want you to look presentable for yourself not for me.

3.Unkept Private Areas
*Hums* “Sometimes I shave my legs sometimes I don’t’. That’s cool and all but I’m going to need you to shave under your arms because that hair brings funk. This brings me to your next private area — the vajayjay (I prefer the P word but this is a family friendly site). If you need a weedwacker down there, that’s a problem. (No one likes wolf punani.) I’m not asking you to get a Brazilian; those things are expensive and painful. But I need you to trim up a little. Give yourself an edge up so your privates resemble a well manicured lawn rather than a jungle safari in the middle of the Congo.

4.Angry for no damn reason
Some of y’all are taking this feminism thing too far — you’re lashing out at men every chance you get and we’re tired of it. #whohurtyou No but seriously, no one likes the angry woman, who’s always angry, never smiles and is extremely difficult to be around. It’s unattractive. Believe it or not, a lot of women have this angry friend if they’re not the angry one and that’s a turn off too. Yes, you are judged by the company you keep. We all meet up for drinks and you got the angry one with you, no one is going to have a good time. Leave her in the house commenting recklessly on blogs and if it’s you please just stay away. Thank you.

5.Clothes(Materialism)
No one expects women to be in the latest Oscar de la Renta dress like it’s fashion week every day but we want you to at least put yourself together. For starters, I’m not the most fit guy (I check athletic build if you must know) — So I don’t walk around with my shirt off too often. But every day on the train my eyes are visually assaulted because some women think that kangaroo pouch is what’s hot in the streets. IT’S NOT. Know your body type and dress accordingly. And what about the dingy types? That Bohemian look is cool and all but the white tank top that’s turning yellow, can’t say it does the trick my love. It’s not sexy. All in all women who can’t dress are not attractive. Before I see your mind, I see your outfit, let’s try to make one compliment the other.

6.Unkept feet and nails
Simply put, a mani/pedi is your friend. I don’t have to describe the “hammer time” in your shoes, nor do I have to remind you that biting your nails looks terrible. Chipped nail polish and ashy feet will not be flying either. Talk to the little Asian women and tip them well so you no longer scratch my legs in bed. Thanks.

7.Sense of Entitlement
Ladies have you ever hung out with one of your friends who feels the need to tell you, the men you’re hanging with and anyone within an earshot how she never has to pay for drinks. I always wonder, does she have any money to pay for the drinks she likes to gulp down? Or the women, who are eager to go out, even suggest it but they think the guy should pay for everything. Listen, chivalry is not dead but women who act as though they are entitled to a man’s wallet got to go. It’s unattractive and it’s downright classless. And listen I’m talking about the ladies who think it’s beneath them to stand on the lines at the club too. Are you famous, do you know the bouncer? If the answer is no, shut up and get to the back of the line, we don’t need the fuss.

8.Curses like a sailor
If I can’t bring you home to momma we can’t roll. I can’t stand a woman who every word out her mouth is n word this, n word that, mothereffer this, son of a —– that. Once again, have a cup of class and act like a lady not a garbage man.

9.Promiscuity
If your reputation for “getting it popin” enters the room before you do, that might not be a good look. You’re sleeping with every tom, dick and harry and that’s cool but don’t expect me to think it’s sexy.

10.Posture
This one is from the brothers on Twitter and I think I agree. No one wants a woman all slouched over looking sloppy. You can do it put your back into it. Peace and love ladies, I think you’re beautiful. I hope you enjoy your weekend and in no way was I trying to offend but a dose of keeping it real is always healthy.

11.Lies
12.Being Possessive or selfishness
13.Being too forward
14.Stubbornness
15.Mood

NOTE: This article was first published in 2011

In her 52nd episode of Keeping it Real, Adeola uses her infectious swagger to appeal to kidnappers to free the mother of the finance minister and they listened. She also travels to Zimbabwe to bring you the story of a woman and the talking bird a witch doctor sent to her.

Also, find out what loneliness and depression can do to Africans abroad. Adeola chides Nigerians who are fussing about their first lady’s dressing to a funeral. She asks them to relax for once. Adeola also read some emails from her fans.

Adeola Fayehun, Keeping It Real With Adeola – Episode 52

Emmaculate Alice Chirunga

31-year-old Emmaculate Alice Chirunga, said she was robbed of her bags of clothing and she sought the help of the traditional healer who worked his magic leading to the return of not only the goods but the woman got compensated as well.
It was reported that problems began when the n’anga demanded a cut and the trader said she would pay him next year. He is said to have dispatched the bird to force payment.

But Chirunga said this was not what happened. She said when she got the money from the thieves she put aside the $350 demanded by the n’anga on the bed and went into the toilet. When she came back the money was gone and a bird was sitting there.

“I phoned the n’anga and told him that the money was gone. He said the money had been taken by Sekuru Ndoro, meaning the bird. He said I should take the bird to Birchenough Bridge and leave it there.”

She said she was on her way to Birchenough Bridge when the bird started talking at Mbare Musika.

“At Mbare Musika while waiting for the bus I told my brother what had happened. He said I should have consulted other family members about this. That is when the bird said to him ‘You, you were not there when we started this journey.”

Hearing this her brother fled and a crowd gathered around her. She was later taken to a police station. Chirunga, a divorced mother of three, said she was not bothered because she knew where the n’anga was and everything will be sorted.

Source: NewsdzeZimbabwe

Kelvin became the youngest person in history to be invited to the “Visiting Practitioner’s Program” at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. THNKR had exclusive access to Kelvin and his life-changing journey – experiencing the US for the first time, exploring incredible opportunities, contending with homesickness, and mapping out his future.

Created and produced by @radical.media, THNKR gives you extraordinary access to the people, stories, places and thinking that will change your mind.

15-year-old Kelvin Doe

Kelvin Doe holding his power generator

Kelvin Doe

Another power generator by Kelvin Doe

Kelvin Doe visits New York with David Sengeh during his time at MIT

Every now and again I try to use this column for the greater good of mankind. Like Superman, Batman and Catwoman (okay maybe she’s not such a good example), I take my civil duties quite seriously.

I’ve often noticed how we continuously misunderstand each other as a nation. Black people in particular, often feel as though they have to explain themselves to their fellow white brothers and sisters. This is normal for a 17-year-old democracy. However, I do believe the time has come for some things to be set straight and myths be busted.

Therefore, my South African people, being the model citizen I am, I have put together a little guide which should help accelerate the positive trajectory of race relations in our beautiful country. If you’re black, feel free to e-mail or tweet me with your suggestions too. (Bigots, racists and homophobes need not bother).

1. Let’s just get this out of the way right now. Yes, black people wash their hair. Do I hear you ask how often? As often as any other race: every day for some, twice a week for others, once a month for others. Get the picture? Great. Let’s consider the matter buried then.

2. Criminals scare us, too. We don’t feel comforted by the fact that someone who’s the same race as us is robbing us. Crime is crime. So sit down, Steve Hofmeyr.

3. “You speak so well” is something you say to a two-year-old who’s just learned how to talk. No matter how well you mean it, stay away from that phrase – it makes you sound like a WASP berk.

4. Most of the time when we speak an African language, it’s not to exclude you or that we’re gossiping. There are times when the Queen’s language just doesn’t suffice. My Afrikaans people, you feel me, right?

5. If you have to say: “My black friend Lucy”, then you have a problem. We will automatically put you in the same box as closet racists. Sorry, I meant to say uptight liberals.

6. We’d also move to Australia (see point 2) if only they had Hip Hop Pantsula, vetkoek, DJ Fresh, the Big Five, Riaan Cruywagen … actually, I take that back. We wouldn’t move to Australia.

7. Calling black women “sisi, sister or girlfriend” doesn’t make you down with the people – it makes you sound patronizing.

8. None of us represent the entire black race, so blanketed inquiries about why black people do this or that won’t get you anywhere. We’re individuals first before we are black.

9. We love it, oh do we love it, when you speak an African language. Not funnygalore or a patched-up version of Sotho. I’m talking about the real thing. If you speak an African language, or are making an honest attempt to, give yourself a high five right now.

10. Speaking of language, until the day you can say Nongqawuse properly, cool it with the constant pronunciation correction. You wouldn’t do that if the person was French or Italian – you’d think it’s cute.

11. Contrary to what the majority party’s youth league would like you to believe, we actually want you to stay and enjoy being here. South Africa wouldn’t be the same without you.

12. As the black team, we’d like to trade Jimmy Manyi for Michael Mol. Yes, we don’t want him that much.

13. There isn’t enough space in this column to express how intensely it bothers us when you grin when you make eye contact with a black person. It makes us feel like you’re afraid we’ll take your wallet. Next time you make eye contact with a colleague or stranger, either walk past or say “howzit”. Just don’t grin. It’s not warm, it’s fake.

14. We can swim. Oh come, don’t act like you weren’t thinking about it. Some of us can even scuba dive and snorkel.

15. And lastly my dear, fellow, beloved white countrymen, as the festive season looms and office parties start being planned, please note that there’s one song that should henceforth cease to be played at these parties. This is probably the most important point of this entire column.

The following is said with love, as we know how much you’re fond of this song. And we get it, at one point we were right there with you. However, there’s no easy way to say this and so I’m just going to go ahead and say it: We are sooo over Mandoza’s Nkalakatha. We’d like you to join us and press stop.

Picture by Solwazi Afi Olusola

By Fatima Sesay
City Council Member Helen D. Foster and the 16th Council District’s African and Muslim Council hosted the 3rd Annual Community Enrichment Day event on at The Bronx Museum of the Arts. This year’s theme was “Inter-generational Dialogue,” and a lot of adults, along with young Africans were in attendance.

Picture by Solwazi Afi Olusola

From 6:00 to 9:00 P.M., guests listened and engaged in an open discussion to identify and highlight issues affecting families and youth education in their community. “Building up our neighborhoods and improving its quality of life is no little accomplishment,” said Foster. “It is a huge undertaking and one which has not gone unnoticed.”

New York City Council Speaker Christine C. Quinn also mentioned in a letter, “Whether it’s improving school quality, encouraging people to vote, or connecting residents to vital city services, events like this not only help to strengthen our community, they help to strengthen our entire city.”

There was nothing but unity and respect throughout the night, and a lot of organizations performed and enlightened the audience about parent-child barriers, and the fight to eradicate it.

Picture by Solwazi Afi Olusola

Arao Ameny, founder of the Association of African Journalists and Writers (AAJW) brought the room to a halt when she delivered a heartfelt revelation that “African parents do care,” to fight misconceptions that parents leaving their children unsupervised as they go to work all day, are less alert about what goes on in their lives.

Towards the end of the event, 20 “Rising Stars” along with other leaders in the African Community were recognized with plaques and awards.

Then, it was feasting time, with food generously provided by The Children’s Circle, Accra Restaurant, Sam’s Restaurant, and Yankasa Association on USA, Inc. Masjid.

Guests were seemingly enriched at the event –Parents and youths were able to successfully engage in a meaningful dialogue; something that very difficult to achieve in this day and age.

Sydney Opera House Sydney Opera House in Sydney, Australia

Taj Mahal Taj Mahal in Agra, India

Al Khazneh ("The Treasury") in Petra, Jordan

Hagia Sophia, Hagia Sophia in Instanbul, Turkey

Sagrada Familia, Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, Spain

Penn Station, Pennsylvania Station in New York, United States

The image was released by the student arm of the Democratic Alliance, the nation’s opposition party, and distributed around university campuses earlier this week.

The image shows a white man and black woman, apparently naked, and has the tagline: ‘In OUR future, you wouldn’t look twice’.

Controversial: This poster released by a South African political party showing an interracial couple embracing has sparked huge debate in the country

But since the poster was released it has sparked fierce debate, with most of the reaction being supportive, but some elements being clearly racist.

It has dominated the news agenda and shown that issues that last appeared during the apartheid era have not entirely disappeared from the nation’s consciousness.

Hundreds of people have taken to social-networking sites to voice their feelings. One Facebook user described the picture as ‘an abomination’.

Shocking: The African National Congress, of whom Nelson Mandela was a former leader, used clearly racist language in their reaction to the poster

Some of the South African political parties’ reactions are perhaps the most shocking however.

Most disturbing of all is the comments of the ruling African National Congress – the party once led by Nelson Mandela.

They use clearly racist language in their reaction to the poster.

Another party, the Christian Democrats, say the poster was ‘clearly promoting sexual immorality’.

And a trade union also said that the poster implies ‘join the party to have an affair’.

While the negative reaction has gained the headlines, most has been supportive.

Another Facebook user wrote: ‘That something so humanly beautiful, an embrace between two people, can cause so much disharmony and conflict

‘We live in such a beautiful country but we are so divided through sheer ignorance!’

The political party that released the image sad they were pleased with the strong reaction the poster had created.

Mbali Ntuli, the federal chairperson of the Democratic Alliance youth wing told the Globe and Mail Newspaper: ‘With all the comments, good and bad, we have achieved our goal of engaging South Africans in a frank debate about one of the most defining issues in our country today – tolerance.

Source: Dailymail

They are linked to certain ‘risk factors’ such as tobacco use, alcohol abuse, unhealthy diet and physical inactivity.

But these can be reduced to a great extent by simply stopping our bad habits. For example, we should not eat simply because food is available! We may cut down on fats and eat more fruit. We should shun alcohol, tobacco and sedentary life.

Unfortunately, this is not happening because many of us associate good life with conspicuous consumption. Modernity and affluence is being equated with less physical activity.

Cancers, heart disease, diabetes and lung conditions already cost rich countries dear in terms of the health bills and productive life span of their citizens. But the scourge of what the World Health Organization calls the “non-communicable diseases” (NCDs) is rapidly spreading across all parts of the globe, fuelled by obesity as a result of bad diet and sedentary lifestyles, together with alcohol and smoking. These diseases were responsible for around 36m of the 57m global deaths in 2008, including about 9m before the age of 60 – and many are preventable.

While countries such as the UK have imposed smoking bans, taxed cigarettes and alcohol heavily and restricted junk food advertising to children, most developing countries have yet to address these issues – and the food and tobacco industries are accused of adopting marketing and production strategies there that would be unacceptable in Europe or in north America.

What is the daily recommended allowance of salt and cholesterol in the diet?

The American Heart Association recommends a restriction of dietary sodium to 3,000 milligrams (3 grams) per day and of dietary cholesterol to 300 milligrams per day.

Generally, 1.5 teaspoons of salt (the composition of which is either sodium chloride or sodium iodide) a day is sufficient to obtain the recommended 3,000 milligrams of sodium. However, averagely we ingests two to four times that much. Too much salt in the diet causes extra water to be drawn into the blood vessels. This increases the pressure on the artery walls, causing high blood pressure.

Cholesterol, an essential element for bodily functions, is contained in foods having a high saturated-fat content, such as butter, cheese, whole milk, ice cream, cream, fatty meats, poultry, shellfish, coconut oil, cocoa butter (found in chocolate), palm.

High blood pressure is a major risk factor for heart disease and stroke, the leading causes of death, respectively.

Research shows a dose-dependent relationship between consuming too much salt and elevated blood pressure. When salt intake is reduced, blood pressure begins decreasing for most people within a few days to weeks. Populations who consume diets low in salt do not experience the increase in blood pressure with age that is seen in most Western countries.

However, if you are in the following population groups, you should consume no more than 1,500 mg of sodium per day and meet the potassium recommendation (4,700 mg/day) with food.

*You are 51 years of age or older.
*You have high blood pressure.
*You have diabetes.
*You have chronic kidney disease.

The 1,500 recommendation applies to majority of both young and adults. Nearly everyone benefits from reduced sodium consumption.

Experts now opine that diabetes, cardio-vascular diseases, hypertension and even cancers can be prevented to some extent with a proper control over nutrition. The importance of nutritional medicine lies in taking stock of what we eat, how we eat and how much we eat.

Food is plenty now but it is not consumed in the right manner. It has been pointed out that tomatoes should become part of daily food, since lycopene, a nutrient found in tomatoes, helps in preventing cancers. However, the availability of tomatoes does not ensure that it is taken by individuals everyday as part of the diet.

Tradition had triumphed over law as hundreds of girls, some as young as eight years old faced the knife in a procedure that is internationally loathed and outlawed — female genital mutilation.

The setting is Kuria East and West districts. It’s is the third year since the last rite, and so a fresh set of girls are supposed to undergo the FGM among the Bugambe and the Buiregi clans.

Tuesday was the culmination of three days of activities that saw the villagers throng footpaths in wild celebration, armed with home made guns, machetes, spears, knives, clubs and other weapons that would ordinarily have their wielders jailed.

Hundreds of schoolgirls underwent the traditional rite of passage that now allows them to get married, raising doubts as to whether they will continue with their studies in the New Year.

Among the health concerns associated with the practice are complications during childbirth, heavy bleeding after birth and prolonged hospitalisation, with the degree of complications increasing depending on the extent and severity of the mutilation that can also cause infections and death.

The killer virus, HIV, is also readily transmitted this way.

Teachers in the area said that while the practice had been part of culture, it lead to significant deterioration in the standard of education as girls dropped out of school soon afterwards.

Mr Mosese Chahacha, a teacher in a local primary school said: “The rituals the initiates go through before the material day is like parallel education.

“They learn that they are adults and that they can stand up to anybody besides starting a home. It is very difficult for the teachers to discipline such children.”

But Guitembe ward councillor from Kuria constituency Protrus Kohe defended the practice, arguing that the constitution protected cultural practices of communities.

“The government allowed us to circumcise the men, which we did, but then we later wondered: now that we have taken men through the initiation, must we not create a pool of women from where they can marry? That is why we have decided to undertake the practice,” argued Mr Kohe.

Early in the week, two women circumcisers were arrested by police while “cutting” five young girls. The law enforcers laid a trap near the circumcisers’ homes and nabbed them soon after they began the “surgery”.

But the locals, who are predominantly members of the Kuria community, blocked the police vehicle, demanding immediate and unconditional release of the women.

The officers were then forced to fire in the air several times to scare off the adamant protesters.

But more drama was to unfold when armed youths joined in the protests and blocked the busy Kenya-Tanzania highway for several hours.

They then engaged the police in running battles along the highway in a move that paralysed transport and blocked cargo trailers heading to or coming from the neighbouring country.

Even attempts by the Kuria West DC James Mugwe to calm them down bore no fruit.

The DC however insisted that they would not allow FGM to continue in the region, saying the practice was illegal.

FGM is practised in at least 26 of 43 African countries and prevalence varies from 98 per cent in Somalia to 5 per cent in Zaire.

In Kenya, according to the 2003 Kenyan Demographic Survey (KDHS), 32 per cent of all Kenyan women aged between 15 and 49 years are circumcised.

-Daily Nation

Approval of the bill, which still must be voted on by the House of Representatives and signed by President Goodluck Jonathan, came after debate that saw one lawmaker go as far as to suggest that offenders be killed.

The bill spells out a 14-year jail term for anyone who enters into same-sex marriages or civil unions.

Those who abet or aid such unions could receive 10 years, as would “any person who registers, operates or participates in gay clubs, societies and organisations” — a provision that seems to target gay advocacy groups as well.

The bill also sets out a 10-year sentence for “any person who … directly or indirectly makes public show of same sex amorous relationships.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron has warned that his country will consider withholding aid from countries that do not recognise gay rights.

Senate President David Mark said during debate on the bill Tuesday that “our values are our values.”

“If there is any country that does not want to give us aid or assistance just because we want to hold on to our values, that country can keep her aid and assistance,” he said.

“No country has the right to interfere in the way we make our own laws, because we don’t interfere in the way others make their own laws.”

Senator Baba-Ahmed Yusuf Datti of the opposition Congress for Progressive Change party said during debate, in an apparent reference to same-sex couples violating the proposed law, that “such elements should be killed.”

During a public hearing last month, gay activists staged a protest outside parliament calling for the bill to be dropped, saying it infringed on their fundamental human rights.

It was unclear why lawmakers decided a ban was necessary, with gay marriage not known to be prevalent in Nigeria and homosexuals already harshly discriminated against.

On Tuesday, one rights activist called the bill a waste of time in a country lacking even the most basic infrastructure, including adequate electricity, despite Nigeria’s status as Africa’s largest oil producer.

“I can’t recall a particular place where this type of marriage has taken place in Nigeria,” said Adetokunbo Mumuni, director of the Socio-Economic Rights and Accountability Project.

“This particular thing they have assented to is a thing of no substance to Nigeria. They should focus on things that affect the majority of Nigerians.”

South Africa is the only African country that allows same-sex marriage, but violence against openly gay people is common.

In the east African nation of Uganda, a controversial bill that calls for the death penalty for certain homosexual acts was recently reintroduced in the parliament.

-RNW

Congolese Dance originated in Central Africa. Incidentally the movements which constitute Congolese Dance are generally focused on the center of the body. It is in the mid-section of the body that both the digestive and reproductive organs are housed. This is probably why the movements associated with Congolese Dance or any dance that has a focus on the mid-section of the body, are healing and along with a change in diet will help combat reproductive disorders such as fibroids, ovarian cysts, irregular cycles as well as disorders of the prostate. The movements increase the flow of oxygen and blood in the body’s mid-section, which aids the body in the prevention of disease.

Many modern dances we know of today have their roots in Congolese Dance. Some of the dances that have their roots from the Congo are the Lambada, Samba, Salsa, Merengue, Calypao, Reggae, Soca, Afro-Caribbean and “Belly Dancing”. Congolese Dance is among “our” medicines, it is a dance filled with healing vibrations and pelvic rotations.

Funmilayo was born in Brazil and grew up in Guyana. Funmilayo traveled extensively to Nigeria and Ghana, where she lived and studied dance for three years. She also visited the Congo – the motherland of her ancestors.

In 1987 to 1992 she was a member of the only traditional Congolese dance company in New York City, Malaki MA Congo. Funmilayo have been teaching Congolese Dance for close to 20 years in New York City and is the director of F.U.S.H.A. Dance Company founded in 1995. In 1996 she won the Ethnic Dance Award for best African dance instructor.

Funmilayo has also studied Ballet, Modern, Tap, Sabar, Guinean, Haitian, Afro-Cuban, Afro-Brazilian, Dahome, and Dunham. She is employed by the Department of Education where she teaches ethnic dance to pre k through 12th grades in the artist in residence program.

Funmilayo realized that the ancient dance of the Congolese people, combined with the genius creations of their descendants have shaped the musical culture of many music and dance styles in the diaspora i.e., Samba, Salsa, Hip Hop, Reggae, Calypso, Cassav, Jazz, Hawaiian, Belly Dance, the Electric Slide, and even Michael Jackson’s “Moonwalk.” She became inspired to form Fusha Dance Company to empower and educate people on the healing powers of dance and to celebrate the richness of dance and culture from Africa and the diaspora.

Congolese dance is a healing dance that Funmilayo refers to as “medicine dance” movements for healing the womb and prostate through music vibrations ad pelvic rotation.

To know more about Funmilayo’s company, visit her website.

Quite disappointingly, only 150 out of the 244 women approached did respond to the initial questions. 25 out of the 150 initial respondents, then willingly and confidently provided profound information on single African women abroad.

Of the 25 women who agreed to be intensively interviewed, 15 were single, 5 were in serious relationships, and 5 were married. They were from Ghana, Nigeria, Cameroon, Sierra Leone, Kenya, Uganda, Zambia, Tanzania, Botswana, Zimbabwe, and South Africa. The term ‘single’ or ‘unattached’ as the respondents explain, does not necessarily mean living without sex. It only refers to people who are not married or who do not have “serious” partners.

Important Statistics 92(approximately 61%) out of the 150 respondents described themselves as single or unattached; 31 (representing 21%)were in serious relationships, and only 27 (forming 18%) were married.

Those in the Prime Years group (21-25, 22%), Vital Years group (26-30, 27%), Borderline group (31-35, 32%), and the Danger Zone group (36-40, 19%). Note, that because of the small sample size, the fallacy of generalization may be committed if these statistics or findings are viewed as a perfect representation of the real situation in England or the West.

The Reasons so Many African Women Abroad are Single


Perceived shortage of decent men in the West: Almost all the women interviewed shared the opinion that it is quite uncommon to come across single men with good character these days. Many African men also prefer women who have legal status that they can benefit from; hence, they tend to get married to westerners rather than Black African immigrants. The words of a respondent say it all: ‘The truth of the matter is, we do not have a very wide selection of African men to choose from as we (the single women) outnumber them (the single men) in this country. Disappointingly, the few that are available tend to date and marry people of other races usually to get legal status.’ Again due to lack of trust for western-based African women who are generally perceived to be arrogant, argumentative, disrespectful, non-submissive and dishonest or unfaithful, other men go to look for women partners in their various home countries.

Tribalism/Ethnocentrism: Some African families have “blacklisted” certain tribes and/or countries, and would just not tolerate the idea of their children getting married to someone from these “blacklisted” societies. It has in fact become an abomination in many African countries for people from certain “rival” tribes to get married. Sadly, beautiful young women are missing the opportunity to get married to men they love, all in the name of tradition or tribal hatred. As one Ghanaian respondent mentioned: ‘There is this guy who loves me so much …. I love him too, but I know my parents will be gutted and disappointed in me if I tell them that he is from … (country withheld)… I’m just scared.’

Spending Prime years pursuing educational and Career goals: It might sound quite harsh, but one revelation made is that the best moment for most women to get suitable partners or husbands is when they are in their Prime. Hence, the need for them to capitalize on their young age, looks, and fertility to get the kind of man that they want. For religious, academic or educational, as well as career or occupational reasons some young women dedicate less time to socializing and searching for that “decent man.” By the time they realize the need to have families, age had already caught up with them; and as looks or beauty and fertility commonly decrease with age, they end up in a position where attracting men becomes a bit more difficult.

Unnecessary church rules/codes: Many churches or religious denominations do not allow their members, especially the women to marry outside the church. Attempts by female members of these faiths to marry men of other denominations are usually frustrated by their church leaders. ‘I became a member of my church when I was only 20 years, now I’m in my late 20s, and none of the men in the church has ever asked me out or shown any interest in me. Yet, my pastor wouldn’t welcome any of the many guys that have expressed genuine interest, just because they are not members of our church’, a quite attractive respondent lamented. Other religious denominations also do not allow their members, chiefly women to date a man before marriage for fear that they may be tempted to engage in pre-marital sex – which is viewed as a mortal sin by almost all Christian faiths and many other religions.

Misconception about educated African women: The difficulty in finding husbands is clearly being experienced by highly educated women as well. Three of the ‘unattached’ interviewees had obtained their MA degrees yet they, to quote one of them, ‘are still struggling to get Mr. Right.’ This revelation in a way suggests that women with credentials or academic accolades do not necessarily attract men or enjoy some advantage in terms of getting husbands. This is certainly not to discourage female education or scare women who aspire to reach the apogee of the academic ladder. What has been pointed out is that ladies who achieve higher academic successes are often erroneously viewed by many men as domineering, women who have less respect for their husbands and are thus hard to get along with. Many highly educated African women have also been accused of ignoring interested men whose educational qualifications are below theirs; hence their singleness.

The Desire to marry wealthy men or men with legal status: It has been established that many African women only look for men who are rich and/or have legal status. Consequently, they ignore those who are genuinely in love with them but are not very financially sound or do not have strong legal status. In the end, they are taken for a ride by the so-called wealthy dudes and men with legal documents, and thus return to what Nigerians call “square one” (where they were before – singleness). It has been observed that most African women, no matter how financially sound they are, seem to prefer men with good jobs and good salary to those doing menial jobs or struggling to get jobs, even though the latter might demonstrate more traces of genuine love than the former.

Unwillingness on the part of some men to be burdened with financial responsibilities: Due to the economic downturn in many western countries, many men are scared of the usually huge financial cost of marriage and/or financial responsibilities associated with marriage. The panic is made even worse by the traditional African notion that it is the responsibility of the man to handle all marriage and household expenses, even when it is clear that the woman’s job or income is much better than the man’s.

Poor choices (Ignoring or paying less attention to the right men): Some African women seem to focus on those men who would not give them the chance or the treatment they want and deserve. They spend their Prime years knowingly hanging out with thuggish types of guys or men with no substance (aimless), probably because of the guys’ good looks or the size of their wallets, only to be thrown away like dross after their precious time had been wasted. A respondent honestly narrated how she mistreated and sacrificed an apparently more serious and purposeful man for a handsome but less committed guy only to be thrown overboard less than a year into their relationship. When she realized her mistakes and decided to go back for the one she dejected and whose numerous marriage proposals she had initially turned down, he was no longer available (he was someone else’s darling). Some of the African women who make their way to the West deliberately fail to get in touch with their boyfriends at home thinking that they would get someone with legal documents to marry. By the time they become aware of their mistakes, it is usually too late.

Other past mistakes: Other mistakes made in the past by some women such as, waywardness, going out with married men, being impregnated by some reckless man who does not even accept responsibility, and single-motherhood, contribute to their difficulty in getting husbands. It may sound rude but the truth is that most men prefer women with no child to those with one or more.

Desire to remain single: It must however be emphasized that not all single African women abroad are interested in marriage or serious relationships; some prefer and seem to be very happy to be single. The words of one Nigerian respondent are noteworthy: ‘I wouldn’t lie to you, I hate marriage. If marriage is so great, why do most marriages end in divorce within a couple of years if not months?’ Many single people think they do have a meaningful love relationship in their life, and that for them, is enough.

Why Many African Women are now Desperately Looking for Partners

It has been established that the single women who are now seriously hunting for partners or husbands are mainly those who fall within the second and third groups (Vital Years and Borderline respectively), as well as those with children (irrespective of age). A number of reasons have been given for the alarming rate at which unattached African women abroad are desperately looking for partners. The following are believed to be some of the most dominant ones:

Old age catching up with them: For numerous reasons some of which are mentioned above e.g. spending years pursuing educational and career goals, hanging out with the wrong guys, etc.), many women are not able to marry or get serious partners in their Prime years. By the time they recognize their errors and the need to settle down to start a family, age is either catching up with them or has already caught up with them. To avoid carrying their singleness into the Danger Zone, or avoid being less fertile and having difficulty in bringing forth children, they try all possible but not always advisable means to get husbands or serious partners.

Pressure from family: In almost all if not all African societies, the institution of marriage is viewed as something that brings respect and honor not only to the couple but also their families (both nuclear and extended). For this reason, when after a certain age, e.g. 26+, a woman is still unmarried, her family particularly parents, start pilling pressure on her to get a husband and to give them (the parents) grandchildren. Note, that due to the religious nature of many Africans, pregnancy and/or giving birth out of wedlock, is not only seen as a disgrace to a woman’s entire family, but also a sin against God or the gods.

Security, loneliness and/or the sense of non-fulfillment: The need for some form of security and stable support, financially, materially, mentally or emotionally also motivates the determination of many women to rush to get husbands. However, there are some women, who have almost everything they need in life in abundance, but do not feel that sense of fulfillment without marriage. For them, a woman’s life without a husband or serious partner is nothing but an unfulfilled life.

Fulfilling a New Year Resolution: Before the commencement of a New Year, people make what is generally referred to as New Year Resolution. One of the key resolutions of most single women is to get married by the end of the year. Hunting for men is thus one way of making sure that their New Year resolution comes to pass.

Peers getting married: Some unattached African women abroad are so worried and disturbed about their inability to lay hands on someone they can call husband that, they wish they had never come to the western world. The statement of a Zambian respondent speaks loads: ‘I learn most of my old-time friends and former class mates in my country are happily married with kids, but look at me still struggling to get a good relationship let alone marriage’.

Conclusion: It is believed that single African women who fall within the Borderline and Danger Zone groups, and those with children are much more likely to be taken advantage of and sexually abused or exploited by selfish and lustful men as they are easily wooed and convinced because of their situation. In other words, they easily give in to false marriage promises or propositions of deceptive selfish and promiscuous men.

It is quite obvious that very soon more and more unattached African women in the West particularly those in England will be making their way to their various home countries to look for partners and husbands. However, the question is not whether or not the men in Africa are ready for the western-based ladies; it is rather whether or not the single ladies back home in Africa will watch the western-based ladies “scramble” for “their men” without a fight.

GOD BLESS AFRICA

This article was first published on www.GhanaWeb.com by Emmanuel Sarpong Owusu-Ansah (aka Black Power). He is a lecturer and an investigative journalist in London, UK. He is the author of ‘Fourth Phase of Enslavement: unveiling the plight of African immigrants in the West’

Jide Alake:
51 years is a milestone, so congratulations to Nigeria. We don’t have any civil war going on, so life is still good. However, we supply Benin with electricity, and they don’t have light problem. It could be the people running it or how it’s divided, but I think a new system should be in place for electricity.

Kehinde Kolawole:
I’m proud of being a Nigerian because you discover that it is not only Nigerians that have bad character. Also, I’m proud that as Nigerians we easily come out of our challenges as a unified and strong set of people. But when you talk of government, I’m highly disappointed in the government. When you see the corruption that our leaders are involved in, you will feel bad.
Here in America, this cloth I’m wearing says ‘made in Indonesia,’ and I proudly bought it. I’ve seen ‘made in Egypt,’ I’ve seen ‘made in Kenya’ here in America. I have not see ‘Made in Nigeria,’ am looking towards the day I’ll see a ‘made in Nigeria’ product in America.

Adetunji Majekodunmi
I’m a Nigerian for life! Nigeria is a very sweet place to live. Our culture is very good, we are very friendly; we love each other even though the country is not very stable, we’re still doing our best to move together. We should try to develop our energy system so more people can invest in the country and this will develop the country.

Funmilola Adeyekun
What we need to work on is ensuring that people get jobs after college, having good infrastructures, making sure there’s light and it’s not going off every minute, and a good sewage system. Those are the things I think we need to work on.

Busola Obayemi:
I celebrate the joy of being a Nigerian and having that blood inside of you. A lot of Nigerians in America are working really hard to do a lot and be creative; sometimes they get ignored and neglected because we focus on the negative side. So it’s good to celebrate who we are and what we’ve achieved here in America.

Mrs. Oketope
I’m proud that we’re here together as one big family, and I thank God for that. The last time I was in Lagos, we’ve really achieved many things like they have good roads now. The only thing I want them to work on is the light.

Anonymous woman:
Nigerian politicians come here; they see and enjoy everything that is here, why can’t they give us the same thing when they go home?

Odey Abang:
Nigeria is actually not as congested, it’s cleaner, and basically it’s where we all come from. But we need to work on electricity and water filtration.

Oluwaseyi Ogunyinka
I don’t see any achievement so far that I could talk about. A lot of countries have left Nigeria for other nations, even the closest neighbor of ours – Ghana, and that is a job loss for the entire youth of our country. We have Kanji dam, we have Shiroro dam, we can tap into other sources of power, and coal is in Enugu.

A majority of Kenyans have turned their backs on it. A church-run center to rescue girls from circumcision have been opened in the town of Narok, to the west of the capital Nairobi. But some communities are not ready to abandon it yet, believing it is still a cultural practice.

The small church house shelters about a dozen Maasai girls escaping female circumcision and early marriage, age-old customs of the Kenyan tribe now frayed by health risks and new laws, while Maasai elders strongly defend their culture.

However, the running of the Hope for the Maasai Girls center set up in 2007 has not been smooth, as angry men have often threatened its founders and some parents disowned their daughters after they went there.

The founder of the rescue center, Pastor Jacob Momposhi Samperu, said, “They see you as someone who is opposing their original culture, their original nature.”

In communities where the practice persists, bride price is deeply entrenched and a girl who refuses to be circumcised is a threat to the would-be wealth her father expects on her marriage. There are cases where girls have been ostracized by their parents for refusing to be circumcised.

Martin Ololoigero, one of the managers of the rescue center explained, “Marrying an uncircumcised girl degrades your value as a man. There are some rituals the girl cannot participate in if she is not circumcised.”

During school holidays, Maasai girls as young as nine undergo the dangerous mutilation meant to mark the passage from childhood to adulthood, which automatically means they can be married off, usually to older men.

The circumcision makes them feel grown up, and they have no qualms having sexual relations with adult men, and grown men also view them as mature women, ready for sexual relationships. In areas where girls are circumcised there are higher rates of teenage pregnancy and school drop outs. Teachers report that there is a noticeable drop in school performance soon after circumcision.

Two teenage girls at the rescue center recounted how they escaped the ritual and subsequent child marriage.

“My parents died and my guardians wanted to marry me off. That’s when I fled and came to this center,” said 15-year-old Mary Seela. “Girls who are circumcised and married off lead a difficult life because some have to do menial jobs to get a small income,” she said.

The second girl, Sarah Setoon, also 15, confirmed it.

“When girls are circumcised they have a lot of difficulties during childbirth. That’s why I refused to get circumcised,” she said.

“They are married off to old men, and sometimes these old men may die and leave the girl facing so many problems, and she has to do odd jobs just to survive.”

Circumcision, also called Female Genital Mutilation, FGM, involves using blades – often unsterilized and without anesthesia – to slice off the clitoris and sometimes other parts of the external genitalia.

Resulting medical complications or even death due to haemorrhage have stoked repugnance among many non-governmental groups and the government, leading to condemnation and even outlawing the practice.

Kenyan MPs have passed legislation banning FGM, with offenders punished by a seven-year jail term or a $5,000 fine, and life imprisonment if the circumcision results in death.

Kenya’s first lady Lucy Kibaki called for strict enforcement of the new law.

“These punitive penalties are deterrent enough if effectively enforced,” she said early in September.

“FGM is partly responsible for the high maternal and infant mortality rates, which are very common among communities where FGM is widely practiced,” Kibaki said.

But female circumcision is still widespread among the Maasai and the harmful tradition still has strong supporters.

FPAK feels that girls should be targeted with information about the practice, and given the confidence to say “no”. An uncircumcised girl is likely to be taunted by her family, friends, school mates and young boys. But when armed with information and some formal education she can withstand the pressure as statistics show.

“Men marry more than one wife knowing that the first one was bought and cannot go back to her parents,” said Deogratius Kiggundu, the buganda kingdom HIV/AIDS coordinator at a dissemination workshop at Pope Paul Memorial Center in Kampala. He observed that men mistreat and infect their wives with HIV because they paid expensive dowry.

He said the manner in which dowry is demanded and paid today accelerates the rate of HIV infection among couples. “In some cultures, once dowry is paid, a partner cannot ask for divorce even when the man misbehaves,” he added.

He called for a review of some cultural practices and asked couples to be faithful to each other as a measure in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

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Please introduce yourself
My name is Rockmond Dunbar, am a writer, director, producer, and actor. I went to Port-Harcourt, Nigeria last year to hold a film festival, and it seems like God was just calling me back and fort to Africa. And in the last 10 months, I’ve been there six times.

Why did you do the DNA test?
I had the opportunity in Atlanta through the African ancestry program to get my DNA tested to find out what will my African ancestry be and I thought that would be absolutely incredible and eye opening. People in general, we want to figure out what we’re made of, where we’re from, what’s our destiny, we want to figure out what makes us tick, why our eyes are shaped in certain ways, or our skins in certain complexion. Those are the things that can help us trace back our roots and find some type of grounding.
My result came back with one of the oldest dynasties in Nigeria, which is the Yoruba, so I’m from the Yoruba decent. Now I’m just trying to come back and introduce myself to the Yoruba communities in the United States and also in Africa to continue to learn more about my root.

What was your reaction when the result came out?
I was so excited, regardless of what result came back, just to have the result was very important. It just makes me feel complete; it makes me feel whole.

How was your time in Nigeria?
I was able to dive into the culture a little bit; I got to meet a lot of people that explained the culture, the history, not just of Yoruba, but also of Nigeria as a whole.

What did you enjoyed most?
Meeting with the artists, directors and producers from Nigeria, and learning that Nigeria is such a force in making films and putting out hundreds and almost a thousand films in a year. That is really astonishing!

Any plans with Nollywood?
The most important thing I want to incorporate in working with my Nigerian brothers and sisters is I know they have a lot of quantity, but bringing some type of quality to the work. And I think from my over 25 years of experience, I can help bring different ideas, different instruments, different ways of approaching scenes and story telling. And I hope to collaborate more with my brothers and sisters in Nigeria, to bring my experience to the table.

Any culture shock in Nigeria?
There was no culture shock. The only difference is we got to the airport and the guys are telling you ‘Open up your bags,’ and they take you to a little office, but thank God I have my diplomatic passport, so that didn’t happen too many times, yet that was a little abrasive.
But I pretty much felt at home, there was no fear. A lot of Americans, a lot of African-Americans don’t want to go to Africa because of the ideas they were fed by the negative history. So, most people in America think if you go to Africa you’re gonna have flies all over your face and you’re gonna starve to death, which is so ignorant and misleading.
My family was really worried, they would call me to say ‘Are you ok? Whatever you need, we’ll send it.’ I remember skyping with my business partner and she was so worried. So I took the laptop and did a 360 degrees panning, and when she saw where I was, she was like wow! I’m sitting in a 5-star hotel by the beach, having a good time. I do have clean water, and really fresh food everyday, that made me happy, we don’t have that in the America. I literally went from 212 pounds to 186 pounds just by eating fresh food, foods with no preservatives. So, I went back home very healthy.

The publicity person for the event, Yvonne Unubun said the NEA seeks to support, promote, and acknowledge the entertainment industry in Africa, especially Nigeria.

“Several artists, actors, actresses, musicians are nominated for different award categories, people then vote for them and the awards are presented to the winners. It is a fair competition, and it has been going on for six years now. We hope to go beyond Africa and tap into the western industry to see what’s in it for Africa.”

The all-weekend event premiered “The Return of Jenifa” by Funke Akindele on Friday night at the Symphony Space on Broadway.
“Shooting the movie had a lot of challenges, especially getting the cast crew together because they’re from different entertainment industries like comedians, musicians, but they were the best, and it was fun,” said the actress.

On Saturday, Julius Agwu joined Funke Akindele at the same venue to co-host the awards ceremony that was followed by an after-party.

“The Nigerian entertainment industry has really grown and so many of us are trying to see how we can celebrate Nigerians globally,” said Julius Agwu. “ Unfortunately for Nigeria, the celebration of our bad part has over-shadowed the good part. So in my own little way, I came to support this, because it is rewarding for us to appreciate and celebrate those who are representing Nigeria positively,” he added.

Ghanaian actress, Juliet Ibrahim was one of the award presenters. “I’m here to support my Nigerian friends at the NEA ceremony, this brings us together, we’re like brothers and sisters now,” she said.

The ceremony was graced by performances by Choc Boys M.I, Ice Prince, Jesse Jagz, R&B singer Waje, and US-based Nigerian artists like Rotimi, Naira, Moyeen, and Ducan Daniels.

Only 11 awards were announced at the ceremony due to lack of time. Others were given a post-award announcement.

Winners include Waje and music producer Samklef. The R&B singer picked up the award for Best Pop/R&B Artist ahead of 2face, D’banj, Darey, and Banky W. Also, Samklef walked home with the award for Best Producer ahead of Cobhams and Don Jazzy.

Best Directing in a Film/Short Story award went to Lancelot Oduwa Imasuen/Ikechukwu Onyeka for the movie “A Private Storm,” while Pan African Actor of the Year was Chris Attoh.

Meet Michael Olatuja, whose personal journey has taken him from Lagos, Nigeria to London and New York, working to establish himself as a go-to bassist on the New York scene. A graduate of Manhattan School of Music -where he met his wife and band partner, he plays bass at the Brooklyn Tabernacle Church in New York among other things.

His wife, Alicia Olatuja, hails originally from St. Louis to New York. She is also a graduate of Manhattan School of Music and a soloist in the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir among other musical projects. For years, Alicia has featured in musical theatre and opera roles before settling down in New York.

This couple perform nationally and internationally in their band called “Olatuja Project,” where Alicia sings in both English and Yoruba, a Nigerian dialect. Their music incorporates a cohesive blend of jazz, soul, and African music.